Nathan Sheets

natewillsheets @ 2009-07-04T09:22:00

2009-07-04T16:32:12Z

So today I've started looking for a room to rent. I've actually been looking to stay in NE Portland or head slightly NW to the Alberta Arts District. Those who know Portland probably are aware that this isn't my scene. But for some reason I am wanting to be closer to the river as well as try out a new scene. This will be my first time moving in with strangers (unless you count my first year of college).

One issue I've been running across is that a lot of the houses require you to be vegetarian. Ugh. I love me my meat (in more ways than one! *rimshot!!!!!*) and so I need to find an open-minded house of liberals who allow a 23 year-old dude to do his dietary thing.

Also, I awoke today at 8:30 because of the sun blaring into my room. I cannot fall back asleep. I went to bed at 3:30 last night. Geeze. This means that later today I'm going to be tired. Oh well.

Holy Shit

2009-07-04T06:48:14Z

So tonight Robert and I went out to the clubs together, and it was disastrous. Not because of him! Yes, I know. We actually had a lot of fun together.

Like I told you all, early today we hung out a bit and talked about stuff. During that conversatioin, he mentioned a guy whom I know of. They had hung at Robert's house, and the dude was telling him that he was interested in dating. I was stoked for Robert, and I told him that he should do it. The guy is really hot and plays sports, etc.

So anyway, tonight we go out to the bars, and we're with another friend of Robert's. Robert and I excuse ourselves really quick so we can walk over to another bar to see who's there. We're inside, and I say, "Hey isn't that Matt? [The guy in question.]" Robert didn't see whom I was talking about, presumably, but on the way out, I saw the guy again, and pulled Robert back to go say hi. We walk up, and Matt (aka asshole) was with some other dude, and totally pretended he didn't know Robert. He said, "Um, hey, didn't we meet at a softball game or something?" Um, you guys were cuddling on his couch yesterday and you were insinuating that you wanted to monogamously date him. Robert was aghast. The dude went on to promote his shitty sports blog that he writes for. "Yeah, we met at a softball game because I write for ID magazine" blah blah blah. Dude, you're not Ann Coulter being introduced before giving a speech, why are you promoting yourself?

At that point I said, "Hey Robert, I think they're waiting for us back at the bar." And we left. Robert was, of course, taken aback and emotional, and I was fucking pissed. That is a totally disrespectful thing to do to someone---total douche bag move. If I were hanging with Dalton, and the queeniest queen, dressed in drag walks up to me and knows me, I would never pretend to not know them. I would rather take the shit from whomever I was with. Though it should be said that Robert is not a queen and is very attractive, so this guy is a douche bag.

To top it all off, I accidentally see a text from the guy that Robert and I were at the bar with saying that he doesn't like me. See, this is why I hate gay people--I don't get a long with them. The mildest Oscar Wildesque humor (who was a fag himself), and it puts their panties in a bunch. Damn. Apparently with the gays one must be sunshine and primroses all the damn time.

OMG UPDATE!

2009-07-03T09:18:21Z

It's been a while, so I'll try to keep you all filled in on the very little that has progressed.

I'm trying to keep in the mindframe of "Nate is cool enough to not need a companion at the moment. He can have friends," but that's a really hard thing to do. Why is it that I feel like I need another person rather than people? It's pathetic. I don't need to be with someone. I don't need to be looking at guys wondering if they're compatable with me.

Tonight I hung out with Dalton and Josh. We went to Mt. Tabor about an hour after it closed and shone Dalton's very powerful laser around. It was fun. This lazer is one where you can actually see the beam. It shines thirty miles. Yeah, it's badass.

On the way down the hill, security was driving up, so we dove into the bushes. Good fucking times. I felt like a rebel.

Aaaaand that's about it. Bye.

Hmmm, am I being hostile?

2009-06-26T00:43:26Z

Me (facebook status): Considering we forgave Bill Clinton, I shouldn't be surprised that we've forgiven Michael Jackson.

Dude on Facebook: THAT'S your paragon for forgiveness? Blowjob guy?

Me: If by "Blowjob Guy" you mean "Blowjob, Unfaithful While in Office, Seeker of White House Interns, Illegal Use of IRS to Audit, Rapist, Sexual Harasser and Perjurer" then yes, he's pretty comparable to Mr. Touch-teh-Kidz ;)

Dude on Facebook: Creepy morality is creepy.

Me:I know, right? I'm trying to work on being more open-minded toward heinous human beings. It must be a by-product of my Christian indoctrination.

OK, maybe I'm being an asshole. But this guy is one of those, "OMG I CANT EVEN TALK TO CONSErVATIVZS" asshole liberals who freak out whenever anyone has an opinion that's different than them. Annoying to the extreme. Perhaps I should just remove him, lol.

EDIT!!!!! We have Facebook flounce! The second I saw that I had mail, I knew whom it would be from:

"You're a total freak. I'm just gonna delete you. I can't handle the bizarre naivete anymore. Good luck out there."

LOL. Perhaps my blatant hostility toward that guy surfaced when we first met and he read my journal (this journal fucks me over so much, guys, you don't even know!). He read all of the Net Gathering posts and then lectured me on, how, if we were going to be friends, I wouldn't be able to talk about any of my political beliefs. He's an atheist, and I told him that I was interested in the belief, and he said he can't discuss is with, to paraphrase, n00bs, because their thoughts are just "too incoherent". I was like, "Yeah, OK dude." but for whatever reason didn't de-friend him. And we never hung out. So I guess there's really no loss, except when I see him in public things may be awkward. :)

Oh Hai!

2009-06-22T16:23:40Z

Hmmm, I can't believe it's already Monday. I totally wasted my day yesterday, so I guess it serves me right and I should feel as if I've been robbed of a weekend. Yesterday I slept most of the day and watched Southpark for the other parts. I went on, like, a twenty minute walk, and that was the extent of my being out of the house.

Today I have to visit two clients, then book it back to work to order food for a meeting that can have anywhere between zero kids showing up and 40 kids showing up. Foster parents are known for their inability to RSVP. :) It also makes staffing an issue, so I just told everyone to be there and then we can send people home as needed.

The good thing about this weekend is that I didn't have any calls on the emergency phone, so I don't have to spend the first part of my day writing incident reports. Yay!

natewillsheets @ 2009-06-11T22:37:00

2009-06-12T05:38:08Z

I signed up for a kickball league today. We'll see if I end up actually doing it. I thought something like that would be a cool way for me to meet people, and hey, I like kickball. It's really laid back and people do it for the social and beer-drinking aspects.

My Tweets Fer Teh Day

2009-06-12T05:06:59Z

21:17 does anyone get these updates? #

natewillsheets @ 2009-06-05T22:21:00

2009-06-06T05:21:00Z

natewillsheets @ 2009-06-04T20:24:00

2009-06-05T03:24:16Z

HOLY SHIT! I totally text The Worst Person in the World on occasion! *star struck*

natewillsheets @ 2009-06-03T21:52:00

2009-06-04T04:52:36Z

Hai guise. Nothing new to report tonight. I moved in with Barbara for two months, so we'll see how that goes. Work is going well. I'm still gay.

My Tweets Fer Teh Day

2009-06-02T05:06:56Z

14:15 Life is changing a lot, guys. My opinion on Tiller is boodaleehoodaleehoo. #
20:02 relaxing on my last night at Elizabeth's! #

Tea and Mike

2009-05-27T06:55:11Z

I have been drinking one or two small pots of Jasmine tea every night, in my attempt to stop drinking soda once and for all. As most of you know, I'm addicted to the stuff, which is unhealthy for both my body and my teeth. Thus, I'm trying to replace it with something else. Tea, while it can stain teeth if you don't brush often, seems to be a healthy alternative. Plus, it's very relaxing to have some tea at night (caffeine free, of course).

Mike and I also hung out tonight. We had an interesting time. I note that since we've both have, by and large, moved beyond The Net Gathering, we don't see each other enough to have too much extra to say. This can be considered a good thing in that we're getting over our experiences in a cult and thus our conversations contain a lot less "OMGHEYREMEBERTHIS?!?", but also a sad thing in that we are both moving on in our lives. I don't mean this to say that we'll stop being friends--hopefully we'll get to hang out more often once Mike finishes the time-sucker known as college for the term.

It's funny. I've known Mike for so long. When I was in high school, I became obsessed with making him be my friend, because I felt so alone in the world. Because of severe emotional issues, I clung to his friendship a bit too firmly, but somehow he go beyond that creepiness and we ended up being friends, joining the same cult, leaving the same cult and a lot in between. It's nice to know that I have someone close who can relate to my emotional issues.

Perhaps I'm not so alone after all.

natewillsheets @ 2009-05-13T00:32:00

2009-05-13T07:33:09Z

A New Beginning? Cliche? Pshaw.

2009-05-04T03:03:20Z

After having read that Nate Phelps article that I posted previously here (and other places), it got me to do a little bit of reflection.

I think I'm at the entrance of a new place in my life. For one year I've been out of religion, out of a cult, out of resisting homosexuality. And yet I still feel the same feelings that I felt a month out of it. These are, apparently, quite formal for people who leave religion. We all go through a time where we fear hell (despite the reasons we left Christianity) and where we are kind of paranoid that something is going to happen to us.

I don't think, really, that these feelings are going to go away soon. I do think, however, that I am in a new place with meeting people, being real with people, and making myself into the person who I want to be. For the past year, I've been sitting at home or working. Those are really the only two places I frequent. I've gained weight and look like shit. I want to change that, now. I want my hard work at my job to stand out. I want to go the extra mile. I want to be comfortable with who I am and my personality in social settings.

I just feel like something is going to change. I feel like I can be the person who I want to be, and I don't need a god to do it. If I get "convicted" for being an asshole to someone, I can change that--I don't need god to do that. If I'm lazy, I can change that. If I'm depressed, I can change that. If I've gained some weight, I can change that.

A part of me really wishes Christianity is true, but I'm just not seeing it. I will continue to be open--perhaps out of a desire to have god "show Himself" to me someday and make everything better--but I still have to be honest with myself and start looking at the evidence.

A great read!

2009-05-04T01:39:31Z

Nate Phelps--son of Fred Phelps from the Westboro Baptist Church (godhatesfags.com) speaks out at the American Atheist Convention--a riveting read into the church and the man who leads it all.

The Uncomfortable Grayness of Life

natewillsheets @ 2009-05-02T22:29:00

2009-05-03T05:29:33Z

Zack Efron looks like a lesbian--there is no denying this. And he needs to go away.

I'm sure that, compared to most people, I am horribly out of touch with American pop culture. Being involved in cults tends to do that to you. But even now I get most of my pop-culture news from Chelsea Lately and E! mobile news updates.

That being said...OK, I don't remember the point I was going to make. So I'll just let that go.

While I'm still not watching American Idol, I still plan on watching, like, the last three. I guess I'll root for Allison at this point, because she humble and a really good singer.

Holy shit! I just looked at my clock and it's 10:30! Damn. I feel like it's 7 at night. Robert went out to buy himself some pain relievers and me some generic Safeway Dr. Pepper. No calls on the after-hours phone today! Yay! That means, of course, tomorrow some kid will be hospitalized and we'll have about 6 runaways and returns.

We have runaways quite frequently, which is not surprising considering we specialize in kids with behavioral issues. The annoying thing is that I have to write an incident report for every runaway and every return. That can get annoying. Furthermore, I have to do it pretty much instantly, which makes no sense.

I'm actually enjoying my job right now, though. Busy=money=days go by quickly. Generally speaking. Unless I have to drive a kid out to Eagle Creek. Ugh.

Um.

2009-05-02T17:34:09Z

Tonight I am going to try to get Robert to come to this gay and lesbian meetup thing, though he may not want to go because he will have spent the entire day at a Native American pow-wow for school. He really wanted my to come, but I really had to reject his invitation, due to the fact that I would literally be killed if I went to a pow-wow. Whenever I hear them sing, I start laughing, and I cannot stop. I know that this makes me look like a racist douche, but I seriously cannot stop laughing. Needless to say, had I attended, I would have died from lack of oxygen.

The most amusing thing about the above video is that they are holding their ears to hear what they're singing. So I know that they aren't just singing randomly and badly--there is actually an art to it. But I do not have the maturity to not laugh my ass off.

Speaking of Indians, I watched Slumdog Millionaire last night with the Ro to the Bert. It was pretty good, I guess, though I was expecting something more. I'm not really convinced why his brother changed his heart or why he died in a bathtub full of money. That just seemed random given the other acts he had no problems with.

It probably did do a good job at gaining American sympathy for the poor in India for a while, though, honestly, it didn't show the poverty on a real level. Meaning: it was pretty tame. It didn't show the starvation or the filth to the degree that it's actually there, and I think that was a missed opportunity.

Quick Update with some Depth

2009-05-02T04:36:20Z

I am feeling slightly more optimistic about life, but only slightly. But it's better than feeling how I've been feeling for the past month.

1) Work. Work has been very busy this week, but I liked it for a few reasons. One: several times I had to put my comfort aside and go the extra mile, even though I maybe didn't have to. I say this because I really haven't had a selfless mindset for about a year, having left a religion which tells you that you come last. Now I am trying to find a happy medium.

2) Friends. No new friends. No old friend either, honestly. But a realization. This is probably a realization that I've had several times in my life. You have to work for friends--but that I mean you have to be someone that people want to hang around. I can only assume that the reason no one ever calls is either 1) they feel too awkward due to the fact that I'm gay or 2) they're too busy or 3) my personality isn't as dazzling as apparently it once was. Regardless of the reason, I feel as if I should be making more of a shift toward new friends. I am a terribly sentimental person, but I have to face the facts: people move on, and I am not in the same environment that I have been in most of my life.

3) Robert. I feel more confident in our relationship, even though I was having some doubts. Parts of me long for something more, but I suppose that I will always feel that way. That being said, I have to learn to be content with my smoking-hot boyfriend who loves me a shitload more than I love him. I would like to make the scale more even on that.

Lazy Iraqi Police Schooled

2009-04-30T04:29:12Z

Blinkers

2009-04-29T05:11:14Z

I believe that the single most enraging thing that happens on the road (and I'm on it a lot due to my job) is when a person is driving with their blinker on. We have this response that is similar to rage, and it gets worse with every increasing minute. No one is innocent of driving a long distance with their blinker on either--don't say you are! Often times my blinker won't shut off and my music will be louder than the click.

First reaction: "Oh, that person is turning right."

Second reaction: "OoooK, NOW that person is turning right."

Three-seconds later: "Oh no, that person doesn't know their blinker is on."

Five seconds later: "Maybe they'll turn off soon. There's no chance they're going anywhere near where I'm going!"

Ten seconds later: "OK, that's slightly annoying. But I guess I'm guilty of it too. I'll just ignore it at listen to my music."

Twenty seconds later: "That person's kind of a douche bag. They're probably from Washington."

Thirty seconds later: "God, what an idiot! Who is stupid enough to leave their blinker on! It's totally having an effect on my driving!"

Forty seconds later: "Maybe if I honk my horn to the beat of their blinker, they'll get the idea."

Fifty second later: "God, they're so stupid they don't even understand why I'm honking my horn in a steady rhythm!"

A minute later: "That person needs to die."

I experienced this today, and then I realized that my blinker was also on.

natewillsheets @ 2009-04-28T21:37:00

2009-04-29T04:37:07Z

*lights cigarette* I haven't trolled like that in a long time.

ETA: It's sad that pro-lifers are so used to kissing pro-choicers' asses to show them that they should really, really listen to what we have to say. If they view the pro-life view with contempt I have every right to view theirs with contempt, just like I view slavery and rape with contempt.

The Abortion Posts, Part I: Let's Get the Introductions Out of the Way

2009-04-26T20:47:17Z

Why I'm Writing This (Again)

Because people in various communities ask me why I'm pro-life when the subject is brought up (and trust me, I try not to bring it up as much as possible) , I have grown tired of trying to explain my views at that location and thus bringing on the abortion wank and flooding my inbox with 500 messages. Thus, from now on, whenever anyone asks how someone like me (hey, wait a minute!) can be pro-life, I will point them to these posts. I will try to make them quick and thoughtful, because I know that no one wants to read an exegesis on pro-life thought.

That being said, I'm not going to laboriously go over every study and every argument in these posts. Rather, I'm going to go over the foundation of my personal pro-life beliefs and then hit on some of the major "OMGRAPE!!1!1!!" arguments and then that's that. This is not an issue that people will be convinced of through reading a lot of stuff. It is--and I say this as a non-Christian--an issue of the heart and of one's own morality.

Disclaimers--Haha, Just Kidding

I would really rather not start this whole thing off by saying a bunch of disclaimers so as to make people not be offended. Hell, I even considered NOT making these posts sarcastic and cynical. But then that would be denying who I am, I told myself. So the only disclaimer I'm going to write is my oft-said disclaimer on the differences between "the pro-choice movement" and "pro-choicers":

It Goes Thusly:

I hate the pro-choice movement. I do not hate pro-choicers. Not every pro-choicer is in the pro-choice movement, just as not every pro-lifer is in the pro-life movement. So if I make a horribly offensive comment at "pro-choicers", please know that I am referring to the movement, not the people. I live in Oregon, for heaven's sake: if I hated pro-choicers I would have no friends whatsoever.

OK, you asshole pro-choicers, let's begin.

What I Want People to Know

If you're a normal pro-choicer reading this, I want you to know some things. Firstly, I want pro-choicers to realize that there is a great deal of depth and thoughtfulness to the pro-life argument. Even if you disagree with us, I think that we deserve respect. Many people are fixated on people holding a religious sign outside of an abortion clinic. That's not the depth of our argument. If it was, I wouldn't be pro-life. I certainly don't have an issue with pro-lifers doing these things, don't get me wrong. But if I brushed off the pro-choice movement because of what I perceived as a bunch of emotionally unstable stupid girls getting hysterical and waving coat hangers around while chanting inanely, then I wouldn't be able to also recognize that the foundations of the pro-choice movement are also quite sensible.

Another thing I hope that normal pro-choicers understand is the extreme position the "pro-choice movement" takes on abortion. Most pro-choicers don't believe in killing third trimester fetuses because it's a nice day outside. But that's what the movement advocates while, at the same time, hiding the fact that that is what they advocate. On the rare occasion you can get a pro-choice advocate to say the word "abortion", you sure as hell won't be able to get them to go into any more detail about the restrictions on abortion they support--because they don't support any.

And I'll End with This

The foundation of my personal pro-life philosophy is respect for human life. If you look at things in terms of human life, there is no reason to view a fetus as different than a 2 minute-old. Or a 6 year-old. Or a 40 year-old. These are all merely stages of development. When a fetus is ripped to shreds by an abortionist's tools, it is being discriminated against, legally, because of his or her age. They've done nothing--on the contrary, it's the mother and father who have done something, and yet so often we portray the mother as the victim of this TERRIBLE thing called "pregnancy". Thus, when we view the sexually-active mother as the victim, and the fetus as the aggressor, it makes it a hell of a lot easier to discriminate against that voiceless fetus and flush it down a tube while remaining self-righteously assured that we're noble people who love women and want to give them control over their own bodies.

I'll go more into it next time, kids!

Video on Cults...

2009-04-24T18:47:36Z

I just saw this video, and I thought that it was interesting how many similarities The Net Gathering Ministries had/have to a "mind-control" cult. The video is long, but very engaging, especially if you've been in a cult. The major difference, I feel, between The Net Gathering and what the video is presenting is less focus on the leader, and more focus on the doctrines. Below is the video and then all of the things contained therein that were also found in The Net Gathering Ministries. A lot of these may seem typical of Christianity, which also says a lot.

Promise to fulfill dreams. ("Someday you can go to heaven!", "God can give you victory over sin!", "God gives us all peace", "God will heal your child of autism!" "God is using US in a revolutionary way!", "God will heal other people through you!")

Tell them time is running out. ("God can strike you dead at any time!", "You only have a certain amount of time to make this decision," "Why are you still living in sin? Repent!")

Diminish doubting by surrounding new recruits with unconditional love. Act friendly, interested, and get information about their struggles and weaknesses and past.

After they've bonded, start withholding the initial amount of unconditional love and start making your demands. ("Why weren't you at the prayer meeting? I don't really want to talk to you." "We shouldn't talk to you until you've done your total amount of prayer for the day.")

Slowly start making demands on them. ("Without God, nothing is worth anything.")

Control their behavior. ("Watching TV is sinful." "Come live in our communal house!" "Dress this way," "Eat this way," "Pray, pray, pray!")

Set a schedule. ("Pray at 6am every morning")

Control their thoughts. ("Don't listen to psychology", "Let our doctrine think for you")

Control emotions--induce guilt. ("You didn't pray today? Don't you love the Lord?" "Don't say that about me! I don't receive that!" "People are going to Hell! What are YOU doing about it?")

Encourage members to spy and report on one another. ("I think you should know about Pedro...")

Attack the self. Induce a mental breakdown disguised as an encounter with God. ("You're not hallucinating--you're having demons being driven out of you!", "Those voices you hear are demons," "Ignore the depression--it's an attack from the Devil! Go forward!" "You're meeting with God and He's working on you!")

Make them paranoid about their own bodies or thought processes. ("It's your sinful nature," "Don't masturbate--resist the Devil!" "When you think that way, rebuke the Devil!")

Tell them they must eliminate a part of themselves or their mind in order to find God. ("You can't trust your intellect--God is spiritual." "You can't doubt," "You have a huge ego and it's getting in the way.")

Claim authority. ("God has made me the leader. Therefore, everyone else submits to what I say and teach. If I wrong anyone, I don't always have to apologize.")

Induce trance states and self-hypnosis by dancing, spinning, singing, chanting, practicing prolonged hours of silence or meditation.

Revert them back to childhood dependence and obedience. ("We have to have faith like a child," "Submit to me just like you would submit to your father." )

Encourage separation from friends and families. ("Your family doesn't get it," "Why are you hanging out with your friends if they're not open? What's the point?" "Your sister is living in sin and yet claims to be a Christian--you know what to do," "Maybe you should spend less time at your parents' house--it's not healthy to be around people who bring you down," "Stop wasting time with non-Believers.")

Encourage dependency and conformity, discourage autonomy and individuality. ("We're a family," "You need to live like the fellowship of believers," "We all need each other in order to be sharpened," "Don't be a lone ranger," "Don't think about yourself--that's humanism!" "God is a the purpose, put yourself to death,")

Have people demonize their early lives and only praise their new lives in the group. ("I'm full of peace now!" "I used to just be so clueless, but thankfully the Lord has shown himself to me!")

Isolate the members of the group, make them feel like they have an elite mission. Develop an "us" vs. "them" mentality. ("Just wait until God expands us and uses us all around the world!" "Those other churches are deceived--it's so sad!" "We're a Holy Jesus Revolution of Holiness and Truth!" "Our leader is Lebanese so we're different!")

Treat critical thoughts as crimes against the group. Demonize critical thoughts to keep them in the group. ("You don't want to leave! That's the Devil attacking you, don't you see? Just wait a few weeks and pray about it!" "Do you think that this is easy? We're doing God's work!" "Stop saying that--you're being rebellious which is the same as being a witch!" "I appreciate your thoughts but I'm going to ignore them," "See, the Bible says this right here--there must be something wrong with YOU!" "If you go against this, you're going against what Jesus said.")

Indoctrinate them with fear. ("You have an evil spirit in you!" "If you sin, you're going to Hell," "If you leave our group, where else would you possibly go?")

My Tweets Fer Teh Day

2009-04-24T05:09:07Z

17:19 Waiting for a client to finish lazer tag. #

natewillsheets @ 2009-04-19T20:16:00

2009-04-20T03:24:14Z

I haven't been too good at updating this thing, have I? Let's do a quick run down:

1) I'm still gay.

2) I'm enjoying my job, though it's becoming a lot more stressful in certain ways now that I am on call all the damn time. But it's an extra $400 per month, for what usually is no more than an extra hour of work per week. IKR?

3) I feel as if I am socially awkward at the moment. I have no friends that I hang out with on a regular basis, and those whom I have around me don't seem interested in hanging out, or I'm not interested in hanging out with them. I have no work friends whatsoever, which I find odd considering that at virtually every other job I had I developed close friendships. This job seems like the kind of job where we are all stressed and then want nothing to do with each other outside of work hours. Or maybe it's because I'm new, and eventually I'll get grafted in. Or maybe I'm a loser.

4) Music writing is going well. What I really need to do is go to school, get a music degree, find a way to latch onto Stephen Sondheim and learn from him. I hate writing lyrics, though I'm doing it for my pro-life--yes, that's pro-life--song.

5) I'm done now because I'm watching OKLAHOMA! with Robert. Auf wiedersehen!